Monday, August 15
went to school today just to take the econs timed assignment cos i figured it's better to get it over and done with. unfortunately i did not foresee dropping to the floor suddenly for no known reason while attempting to walk from the class bench to chinese high. i think i stunned annie - we were talking halfway when i suddenly fell and cut my knee on the damned china-imported tiles that stick out. so now i have painful blisters on both my feet and a badly cut knee. hooray for accident-prone me. decided to go home after econs. doctor seemed vastly amused by my account of the incident. i have a record of doing odd things like letting glasses of water slip out of my hand, etc. generally leads to my mother dragging me to the doctor. this time i refused to let her bandage my knee. i am convinced the whole thing happened cos i'm still sick and sniffly. and have bad psychomotor skills.
my sister, the future lawyer, just showed me her gp essay. 44/50. yes yes everyone kowtow please. i'm still reeling somewhat from the shock. well now. at least now my parents know for sure where the brains in the gene pool went.
i am trying not to move my legs at all. i think there's going to be a very bad bruise. not to mention the skin was torn in various places and the main cut is pretty deep. i hate the hwachong tiles. why can't they get normal smooth ones that don't bits jutting out at awkward places? i always knew this was going to happen one day! of course having such tiles is a health hazard when you have legs that are prone to letting you down without warning. to bandage or not to bandage.. it stings everytime i move too fast.
i was rumaging through my sister's bookshelf just now -heh heh- to find a book to read to sleep. happened to glance at a picture of her and her primary schoolmates. funny how she never talks about them nowadays. and i realise i don't talk about dee, qing and sher anymore. long gone seem the days when they'd tag regularly at my blog. maybe my password really is too hard to remember. it's only been all of 5 years. in 10 years, where will we be?
i just
know there is going to be an awful awful ugly scar on my knee for the rest of time. damn you, hwachong tile!! so now i'll have an ugly scarred face, ugly scarred heels, ugly scarred hands [random cuts from goodness knows where] and an ugly scarred knee!
mari drew a scary comparison to van gogh the other day. i refuse to consider the idea of my being like him. no way, he cut off a large part of his ear and gave it to a prostitute! plus everyone he loved didn't love him back. i flatter myself that i will never cut off my own ear voluntarily and give it to a prostitute since hopefully i won't know any in the near future. the love bit is ambiguous *cough*. anyway. conclusion of the matter. i refuse to grow up overly emotional and angsty and everything else that seems to be associated with creativity and whathaveyou. therefore from now on i will suppress anything that isn't remotely chirpy or superficial. i really am scared of dying psychotic.
before i shut down my brain, i'd like to say something. this morning it suddenly occured to me to wonder about this: what if i'm really schizo, and all of you are just a dream? maybe i've been writing to imaginary people, meeting no-one for lunch and talking to silence on the phone. or.. what if
you are the schizophrenic, and i don't exist? *evil laughter* i scared myself so much i didn't linger in the bathroom long enough to put on my contacts. yes, that is the real reason why i wore glasses today. i just didn't want to get laughed / stared at in school.
and from now on i shall be a very productive person who will go to school everyday and never ocp or go to the sickbay unless she's dying, or skip pe unless she's really unable to participate [i can't swim tomorrow, i don't need an infection on top of everything else]. i will also henceforth adopt a positive attitude towards life [or lack thereof] and stop thinking about the past [everyone cheer please]. and if all this doesn't tire me to death, i will do my homework and study for tests and exams! yay! =D if i smile any wider my face will crack. heh. but i am not going to give up my sad songs, go sniff glue, i don't care about you.
it must've been love.
5:31 pm
xoxo
